What We Say to Ourselves Turn Into What We Do and Who We Become

Dear {{ first name | Legend}},

a year ago I was training for my half-marathon and I found myself having to run while I was vacationing in Japan.

You must be thinking, that’s cool, running in a different country!

At first thought yes, there is definitely appeal in running somewhere different, but for those of you who run often and train for races, you’ll know that tried and true routes give you the best environment to focus on your run and execute the pace you want to train at.

So running in Tokyo created some anxiety in me.

And it turns out that summer in Tokyo was also not for the faint of heart, even for someone like me, who grew up in Singapore.

It was not cool at all. At 5 am in the morning, it was already 88 degrees Fahrenheit, that’s 31 degrees Celsius. HOT AND HUMID.

The type of humidity where you feel like you are breathing underwater.

So needless to say I didn’t want to go.

I stared at my running shoes in the dark, with the soft breathing sounds of my two kids and wife in the background.

It’s in these moments of dread that what you say to yourself is critical to influence the result you want or succumb to the overwhelming inertia to do nothing.

The problem is most of what we say to ourselves is negative.

This is just who we are.

Researchers estimate we have around 60,000 thoughts a day.

And up to 80% of them are negative! 😱

If we think and talk to ourselves so negatively, how can we possibly influence a positive action? Especially in the most critical points in our lives?

And that morning at 5 am in Tokyo, staring at my shoes was my critical point.

What I learned from studying human behavior and writing about it for almost 2 years straight is that, we can be an outlier and we can change our self-talk.

It requires this shift in mindset 👇🏽

The voice in your head isn’t a reporter describing reality. It’s what our brains have been conditioned to do and it comes from three places:

the voices we absorbed growing up,
the brain’s constant attempt to predict what will happen next,
and the beliefs we’ve formed about ourselves.

Instead of something you listen to, use it as a tool.

And once you realize that…

You stop asking:

“Why do I think like this?”

And start asking:

“What do I need to say to myself to create the next action?”

If you’ve ever been in a situation where your self-talk to talking you OUT of something you NEED to do, use these 10 science-backed phrases to get going.

Why it works: Triggers autonomy—a core psychological need—which increases motivation and prefrontal activation tied to self-directed action. (Deci & Ryan, 2000, self-determination theory)

Why it works: Activates the premotor cortex and bypasses limbic resistance. The brain overestimates difficulty until action begins. (Gollwitzer, 1999 on implementation intentions & action initiation)

Why it works: Reduces amygdala activation by reframing the emotional expectation of readiness; readiness is a post-action state, not a precursor. (Lieberman et al., 2007 on affect labeling reducing amygdala response)

Why it works: Increases neural coupling with the medial prefrontal cortex, improving connection with the “future self,” boosting long-term decision-making. (Hal Hershfield, 2011 on future-self continuity.)

Why it works: Activates the dopaminergic reward system by reframing discomfort as progress, which increases perseverance. (Koepp et al., 1998 on dopamine release during challenge.)

Why it works: Normalizes resistance; the brain’s default network conserves effort. Reducing shame increases task persistence. (Raichle et al., 2001 on the brain’s energy conservation bias.)

Why it works: Reduces perfectionism by lowering cognitive load and expectations; the brain treats “drafting” as safer than “performing.” (Carver & Scheier, 1990 on self-regulation and perceived standards.)

Why it works: Activates the brain’s salience network, shrinking perceived threat and increasing perceived control. (Eisenberger et al., 2011 on neurobiology of perceived control.)

Why it works: Cognitive reappraisal reduces threat processing in the amygdala and increases resilience. (Gollwitzer, 1999 on implementation intentions & action initiation.)

Why it works: The prefrontal cortex builds certainty after movement, not before. Doing → understanding → motivation (not the reverse). (Oettingen & Gollwitzer, 2010 on mental contrasting driving action.)

Why it works: Anchors behavior to identity rather than motivation. When actions align with a self-identity, people are more likely to follow through—even under low motivation—because the brain seeks consistency with who we believe we are. (Bryan et al., 2011, Identity-based motivation and voter turnout, Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, PNAS.)

If you like this issue about influencing yourself to greatness, you’ll want to read:

Change behavior, change lives 🤘🏽

Howie Chan

Creator of Influence Anyone

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P.S. If you haven’t already, go take the free assessment and find out your preferred influence style!

Want to feel more confident in conversations—even when things get awkward? In this episode, I sit down with workplace performance expert and Good Awkward author Henna Pryor to explore why awkward moments might actually be the secret to stronger relationships and greater influence.

In this conversation we unpack:

• Why avoiding awkward moments often creates bigger problems later
• The surprising trait confident people have: a fast comeback rate after mistakes
• And the one thing you need to do during awkward moments to reduce tension

If you’ve ever replayed a conversation in your head… worried about saying the wrong thing… or wished you could show up with more confidence in uncertain moments, this episode will change how you think about awkwardness forever.

🎧 Listen to the full episode on Apple, Spotify, the web, or wherever you get your podcasts.